TOPIC: PE Jokes

@MM
I want a shirt like that!

...

Found it!

MexM - second on M7\'s comment. I might have to see about that shirt!

No problem. Order anything you want. Awhile back, I picked up a lovely date.

I\'d scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.

She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail. LobsterPatron. Champagne.

I asked her, \"Does your mother feed you like that when you eat athome?\"

\"No,\" she replied, \"but my mother\'s not expecting a blow jobtonight.\"

I said, \"Would you care for dessert?\"

Hahaha. It\'s a shame that either way, we end up \"paying\" for sex. Funny joke though.

A man is showering in a locker room withhis buddy when he notices his friend
is very well endowed. \'Damn, Bob , you\'re hung!\' Jim exclaims.

\'I wasn\'t always this impressive; I had to
work for it.\'

\'What do you mean?\' Jim asked.

\'Well, every day for the past two years
I\'ve spent an hour each night rubbing it
with butter. I know it sounds crazy but
it actually made it grow 4 inches! You
should try it.

Jim agrees and the two depart.

A few months later the two are back in the
same locker room and Bob asks Jim
how his situation was.

Jim replied, \'I did what you said, Bob,
but I\'ve actually gotten smaller! I lost
two inches already!\'

\'Did you do everything I told you? An
hour each day with butter?\'

\'Well, I don\'t use butter, I\'ve beenusing Crisco.\'

\'Crisco!!\' Bob exclaimed.
\\/\\/\\/\\/
\\/
\'Damn it, Jim,

Crisco is shortening!\'

I\'m glad you keep this section alive BB! Made me chuckle. Thanks.

The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is Hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1st, 2007 the penis will be taxed according to size.

The brackets are as follows:

10 - 12\" Luxury Tax $30.00 Which one would be your tax bracket?
8 - 10\" Pole Tax $25.00
5 - 8\" Privilege Tax $15.00
4 - 5\" Nuisance Tax $3.00

Males exceeding 12\" must file under capital gains.

Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund.

PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...\'Looking for man with these qualifications; won\'t beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.\'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, \"Hi, I\'m Bob. I have no arms so I won\'t beat you up and no legs so I won\'t run away.\"So the lady says, \"What makes you think you are great in bed?\"

Bob replies, \"I rang the door bell didn\'t I?\"

A guy can\'t obtain an Erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there\'s nothing he can do unless he\'s willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to \"try out his new equipment\". The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says \"That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?\" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says \"Probably, but I don\'t know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!\".

Bwahahaha.

Not exactly a PE joke, but I couldn\'t resist. A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her vagina lips are much to large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she\'s embarrassed and doesn\'t want anyone to find out. The doctor agrees.She wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed. Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says, \"I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!\" \"Don\'t worry,\" he says, \"I didn\'t tell anybody. The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself. The second one is from the nurse. She assisted me with the operation, and she had the operation done herself.\" \"Who is the third rose from?\" she asked. \"Oh,\" says the doctor, \"that rose is from the guy upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!\"

3 men walk into a bar.After they drink a couple of beers they are ready to leave, but the bartender won\'t let them unless they have 12 inches of Dick between them.The first guy whips his out and shows 6 inches.The second guy drops his pants and shows 5 inches.Finally, the third guy shows his 1 Inch Dick.The bartender says \"Ok, thats 12 inches you can go\".As the\'re walking away the first guy says to the third, \"Thank god you had a boner or we\'d still be there.\"

Thanks Androgen (male hormone). Haha. If it weren\'t for BB, this section would be a drag.

Not exactly PE related either, but it brought a laugh. An army sergeant walks into a whorehouse and approaches the madam and says, \"My name is Sgt Major Dick and I\'m here for a woman!\" The madam immediately escorts the soldier upstairs and selects the best call girl they have for him.
Sgt Major Dick immediately disrobes and is standing with his hands on his hips while he looks at the prostitute waiting for him on the bed. He says, \"My name is Sgt Dick, been in the army thirty years, and I\'m a master of my mind and body, Dick, ATTEN-SHUN. Immediately his penis becomes instantly Erect!
The prostitute is in awe and asks how he can do it. The Sgt Major replies, \"Like I said, I\'ve been in the army thirty years and I have total control over my mind and body, Dick, AT EASE.\" His penis immediately goes limp.
The prostitute still can\'t get over what she saw and asks him to make it hard then soft then hard again.
She asks him again how he does it. The Sgt Major shouts, \"I have already told you honey, I have been in the army thirty years, and I am master of my mind and body, Dick, ATTEN-SHUN. His penis goes instantly hard. Then he gives the following command, \"Dick- AT EASE!\" The Sgt Major looks down and is amazed to see his penis is fully Erect. The Sgt Major is now fuming, and says, \"I\'m going to tell you one more time, Dick-AT EASE!\" No luck. His penis is still hard. He yells \"God Dammit!\" and moves to the side of the bed and starts to masturbate vigorously.
The prostitute asks, \"What the hell is going on?\"
The Sgt Major replies, \"This soldier disobeyed a direct order, and I\'m giving him a dishonourable discharge!\"

What\'s the difference between white onions, purple onions, and a 10 Inch Dick? Nothing, they all make a woman\'s eyes water.